


cool guys don’t look at explosions

by Potrix



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, BAMF Bucky Barnes, Badass, Banter, Canon-Typical Violence, Competent Tony Stark, Established Relationship, Happy Ending, Humor, M/M, Protective Tony Stark, Snark, Timeline What Timeline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:01:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23332066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Potrix/pseuds/Potrix
Summary: The Hydra base goes up in flames as Bucky’s walking away from it, not a scratch on him or a hair out of place.Clint nods to himself. “Cool guys don’t look at explosions.”Sam pretends he’s not laughing. Nat does grin, completely unashamed.“Bucky, what the hell—” Steve starts, only to be interrupted by a chorus of, “Language, Cap!”Or, alternatively; 5 times Bucky is a total badass plus the one time Tony proves he's still got it.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark
Comments: 45
Kudos: 1071





	cool guys don’t look at explosions

**Author's Note:**

> Another one for [not-the-cavalry](https://not-the-cavalry.tumblr.com/). I kind of missed writing these two assholes, so thank you for requesting some WinterIron!
> 
> There is also [a rebloggable version](https://potrix-the-queerschlaeger.tumblr.com/post/613683563417780224/cool-guys-dont-look-at-explosions) of this on tumblr.

1

“—will understand that I’ve been fighting on the right side all along. The United Nations is a symbol of oppression. An illusion that keeps us apart—” 

Tony lets his head fall back against the wall with a sigh, wondering once again why the universe hates him enough to do this to him on one of his rare days off. All he’d wanted was to spend one quiet, peaceful afternoon with Bucky, but no, apparently they can’t even get burgers without some wannabe-villain—Flag Smacker? Flag Smasher?—deciding to take everyone in their favourite diner hostage. 

He’s been ranting about the abolition of country borders in order to achieve world peace—while threatening to blow up a diner full of innocent people—for nearly fifteen minutes now, and Tony really wishes he hadn’t decided to go completely Iron Man-free today. 

“Fuck’s sake,” Bucky mutters from next to Tony, rubbing tiredly at his face when Tony turns to look at him. “Is this guy for real?” 

Before Tony has the chance to answer, Bucky springs up to his feet and advances on the guy with a shouted, “Hey!” 

The guy swivels to point his gun at Bucky, but hesitates when Bucky doesn’t stop. It’s his undoing; by the time he’s aimed, Bucky’s already on him, landing a punch to his face with a crunch that makes Tony wince. 

Tony glances down at the guy, writhing and moaning on the floor, then around the diner at the gaping people and, finally, up at Bucky. “Well. That’s one way of doing it.”

Bucky nudges the guy’s gun away with the tip of his boot. “All I wanted was a damn cheeseburger.”

2

“Iron Man, come in!” Steve yells over the comms, Doombots screeching in the background. “The Winter Soldier is injured, we need an extraction.” 

Tony’s heart skips a beat and he speeds up, nearly clipping the edge of a building in his hurry. To his relief, Bucky is actually still standing when he finally spots him and Steve, though he’s panting and his prosthetic arm is hanging limply at his side. 

Tony winces. “Shit.” 

But then, before he’s even landed, Bucky charges at a Doombot, jumps up high, twists while still in the air and smacks the deadweight of his arm into the Doombot’s middle, sending it flying and crashing into the nearest car. 

Tony raises an eyebrow at Steve. 

Steve just sighs and shakes his head. 

3

“You stabbed me!” the Hydra agent screeches at Bucky, before turning his incredulous gaze on Tony. “He stabbed me!” 

It doesn’t happen often, but sometimes, even Tony is lost for words. After a moment, he manages to offer, “Well, you did wave a gun in his face.”

The Hydra agent almost looks like he’s pouting. “Cap’s never stabbed me before!” 

“Do I look like fuckin’ Captain America to you?” Bucky growls as he stalks closer, twirling another knife between his fingers. 

With a squeak, the Hydra agent moves to stand behind Tony. 

Bucky smirks. 

4

The Hydra base goes up in flames as Bucky’s walking away from it, not a scratch on him or a hair out of place. 

Clint nods to himself. “Cool guys don’t look at explosions.” 

Sam pretends he’s not laughing. Nat does grin, completely unashamed. 

“Bucky, what the hell—” Steve starts, only to be interrupted by a chorus of, “Language, Cap!”

5

It’s almost embarrassing to admit that Hammer’s caught him off-guard, but, well. Even a broken clock is right twice a day. And, as loath as he is to admit it, Hammer isn’t a complete idiot and did strip Tony of everything he might be able to use as a weapon. 

Which means Tony’s sitting in his cell in nothing but his underwear, shivering against the cold concrete, handcuffed and chained to the wall. 

“What a pretty picture you make,” Hammer coos as he comes to crouch in front of Tony, grinning wildly and gun held loosely in one hand. “Now, you know the spiel by now, don’t you? We can do this the easy way or the hard way, blah blah blah. So! What’s it going to be, Tony?” 

Upstairs in the warehouse, someone yells angrily and the sound of gunfire starts up.

Tony quirks an eyebrow up at Hammer. 

“Nothing my men can’t handle,” Hammer dismisses, going for confident, but his hand twitches nervously and he absently licks his bottom lip. “Now, Tony. The blueprints. Do you have any idea—well, it’s you, so of course you do.” 

He straightens up, pacing in front of Tony, free hand on his hip. “And since you’ve decided you’re too high and mighty to build things that actually matter, that make a true difference, I thought I’d be so nice and take those plans off your hands.” 

Somewhere above them, something blows up. 

“The blueprints, Tony!” Hammer hisses, a little wild-eyed now. When Tony stays silent, he moves closer again, curling a hand around Tony’s throat. “What, nothing to say? Don’t get tongue-tied now. No need for modesty between old friends.”

The cell door comes flying inwards, making Hammer jump and whirl around, gun raised.

Bucky allows himself a moment to take in the scene in front of him, then points his own gun at Hammer’s knee, teeth bared in a snarl. Unlike Hammer, he has no qualms about pulling the trigger. 

Hammer flinches, but recovers quickly when nothing happens. “Oh! Oh, this is just perfect!” he laughs giddily. “Did you lose count?”

Still cackling, Hammer continues to tease, but Tony isn’t listening, too busy trying not to laugh at the look Bucky is shooting him that very clearly asks, “Is he fuckin’ serious right now?” 

Tony just shrugs and then does laugh, loudly, when Bucky gives a shrug of his own and throws his empty gun right into Hammer’s smug face. 

“Hi, honey, nice of you to show up,” he says, still grinning, as Bucky steps over Hammer’s unconscious form and comes to kneel at Tony’s side. “Took you long enough.” 

Bucky snorts and rips open the cuffs. “Everyone’s a critic.” 

+1

Tony allows himself a day of being the worried boyfriend, sitting at Bucky’s bedside and holding his hand and watching his ashen face, before he pulls himself together and gets to work. 

They’ve known the identity of the head of the smuggling ring for months, have intercepted countless shipments of alien technology, but actually pinning it on the guy in charge has proven incredibly tricky. There’s always been someone to take the fall for him, some evidence that vanished under mysterious circumstances, a witness who suddenly changed their mind about testifying. 

It’s been infuriating and frustrating, yes, but now? With Bucky hurt and no one sure how long it will take him to recover? Now, it’s personal. 

Getting an invitation to the party hosted by the politician’s son turned hustler is a piece of cake; he knows the government as well as the Avengers are after him, but he’s also convinced he’s untouchable and that has made him cocky. 

Having Iron Man attend his little shindig? Tony knew he wouldn’t be able to refuse. 

The scans and frisking before he’s allowed into the mansion are expected and he smiles good-naturedly through the whole process, cracking jokes and readily handing over his phone, wallet and watch to be confiscated. And once he’s inside, things couldn’t go any smoother. 

He small-talks and networks, laughs and flirts, and happily accepts when Rami, the guy he’s after, asks him for a dance, letting him lead them out onto the floor. They chat idly the first few minutes, both extremely aware of who they’re with and what kind of game they’re playing, but eventually Rami breaks. 

“Your friend, Sergeant Barnes,” he says, all feigned compassion, “I hope he’s well?” 

Tony smiles with maybe a little too much teeth. “Expected to make a full recovery, but thank you. Your concern is appreciated.”

It’s when the song changes to something slower that Tony gets his chance. Their bare hands come together as they resettle into position and, with a quick, featherlight tap of his finger against Rami’s wrist, things are set in motion. 

And Tony doesn’t have to wait long. Rami cuts himself off mid-sentence only a few seconds later, frowning and blinking rapidly. Tony puts on a mock-sympathetic face. “Feeling a little hot, are we?” 

Rami, to his credit, catches on immediately, hissing out, “What did you do?” 

“Nothing yet,” Tony says with an innocent smile, tightening his hold on Rami when he goes to pull back. “But, as we speak, nanotechnology is making itself at home in your body. Not an issue in general, quite the opposite,” he drawls and lets the brandnew Bleeding Edge armour curl around his fingers, watching in satisfaction as Rami’s eyes go wide. “But should it, let’s say, cause a blockage in a major artery? Or rapidly expand somewhere it isn’t supposed to? That could, indeed, cause some trouble.” 

“What do you want?” Rami demands, through gritted teeth, and Tony beams as he chirps, “Look me in the eyes.” 

Rami’s confusion melts away as soon as Tony activates the Iron Man HUD lenses, morphing into absolute outrage. He’s smart enough to stay quiet, though. 

“A confession, if you’d be so kind,” Tony says as he begins recording. “Not that it will be necessary, the nanobots will be deep in your phone and private servers by now, but showing some measure of regret always looks good in front of a jury.” 

With everything activated, the Avengers as well as SHIELD and the FBI will already have been alerted and be on their way, a live feed of what Tony sees and every bit of information the ‘bots dig up getting sent to all their electronic devices. Whether Rami confesses or not is irrelevant, though Tony certainly enjoys watching him fume and squirm. 

But then, after a few moments, Rami starts talking.

And if Tony snags a bottle from behind the bar as he leaves? Well, he’s pretty sure no one’s going to say anything, given the circumstances. And Bucky does like his whiskey.

**Author's Note:**

> Go check out my other [work](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Potrix/works), or come over and say hi on [tumblr](http://potrix-the-queerschlaeger.tumblr.com).


End file.
